1. Buy some books. I recommend books about design. But as long as the books look good and look nice on shelves I think you’re fine.
  2. Look the part. For the love of god, get some glasses. If you don’t have eye problems, grow a beard. If you can’t grow a beard, get the f*ck outa here.
  3. Pin cool looking stuff on Pinterest. If you don’t know what cool stuff is, pin some old bikes, or 1950s logos or something. If you don’t like Pinterest, at least say something like “I used Pinterest until my mum started posting tons of weight loss stuff.”
  4. Never. EVER. Smile. If you smile in a photo, you’ll *literally* be working in the production dungeon your whole life. Smirks are allowed in extreme situations.
  5. Start writing vaguely inspirational stories. You don’t have to know what you’re talking about. Just use phrases like “Don’t be afraid” or just be contrarian to the popular viewpoint. “It’s not about MY work. It’s about OUR work.”
  6. Twitter & Dribbble: Follow the trends. You’ll be knee deep in internet strange in no time.
  7. Buy some Oxfords or get outa my face!
  8. Go to networking events wearing quirky bowties. People will love that! If you’re from Scotland, wear a kilt. Because you are completely defined by where you come from. It’s good to get extremely drunk beforehand.
  9. Latch onto popular people and NEVER LET GO. Ride them like a parasite rides its host. To death.
  10. Be good at graphic design. I guess.

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